India despite being a highly populous country, is facing a growing trend of infertility (upto 16.8 percent) among couples. Infertility in medical terms is when couple is unable to conceive despite having unprotected sex for at least one year.
The physical and financial toll of fertility treatments is definitely demanding, but also has psychological problems that can be long lasting.
Couples dealing with infertility can experience sadness, guilt, anger, inferiority and even shame. It can also feel like loss of identity for some. They may feel inadequate or broken since they are not able to reproduce naturally. Also, even though there is significant progress in awareness and treatment, some stigma surrounding infertility still lingers in our society. This can lead to feelings of isolation and grief.
Several fertility treatments are available with improving efficacy rates day by day. During these treatments, the couple is advised to have timed intercourse when chances of conceiving are optimum.
This can put pressure on the couple and changes meaning of sex for them. The act of pleasure can become more directed, mechanical and means to an end. The on- demand kind of sex can cause psychological and sexual issues.
Women undergoing infertility treatment, often need hormone medications and injections which can sometimes lead to discomfort, mood swings, changes in libido. Timed intercourse can put pressure on men, can have difficulty in achieving erections and premature ejaculation. Men with infertility may also feel inadequate or emasculated. As a couple, other issues that come up are mismatched libidos and decreased satisfaction in sexual intercourse.
These issues may either resolve after successful conception or at times lead to lasting relationship issues and conflicts.
What can be done to improve your sex life & strengthen your relationship during this time?
Focus on your relationship and not your infertility.
Remind yourself that Infertility is just a part of your relationship. Do not let it overpower all of your conversations and thoughts. Continue to indulge in other activities and talks that do not revolve around infertility.
Talk about sex with your partner
With feelings of inadequacy, you may tend to avoid actually talking about sex. Communicate about things bothering you and what you are expecting from your spouse. Sharing your insecurities and worries can actually lessen your stress. Try to communicate openly, resolve conflicts and show support for each other. Remember you are on the same team.
Have sex even outside the schedule
Sticking to the schedule for the sole purpose of procreation makes you forget the other purpose sex serves. Pleasure. Engage in sexual intimacy even when you are not ovulating.
Take a break
Continuing fertility cycles could be affecting your emotional and physical health. It may also have a negative impact on your relationship. It’s okay to take a break for a cycle or two, in order to focus on yourselves and your relationship.
Self care & self soothe
In the race to have a baby, we forget to pause for self care. Taking care of your diet, sleep, exercise and relaxation time is important. It will enhance your fertility and chances of conception as well as keep stress at bay.
Therapy & counselling
Managing infertility and conceiving can be unpredictable and take its time. Things can get overwhelming down this road. If you feel it is affecting your mental health and your relationship it is wise to seek professional help for couple therapy as well as individual counselling as needed.